Worst Christmas Gifts

Though the socks and jocks that you receive each year might not be exactly what you’re after at Christmas time, the following list of presents demonstrates that the grass is not always greener on the other side. At least with jocks and socks you can be guaranteed that your toes will stay warm this winter.

The countdown:

10. A Val Doonigan CD

A quick search on You-Tube will explain why this ‘recording artist’ gains a position on this hotly contested list.

9. Re-gifting gone wrong

When a gift boomerangs back to you, it’s never a good thing. But then again, it’s your fault for giving such a rotten present in the first place, so really you’ve got no one else to blame but yourself.

8. A Vacuum

It doesn’t matter how desperate you are for a Christmas present for your missus, a vacuum cleaner is never the solution. If it’s Christmas Eve and you should find yourself in the whitegoods section of your local department store, take a deep breath, reverse out of the store, head home and book a night’s accommodation in a luxury hotel instead.

7. Anything which could be purchased from a supermarket

Consumables such as generic-label shampoos and conditioners, razors or non-novelty blocks of chocolates reek of a last-minute shopping effort and are to be avoided at all costs. Flowers from a petrol station should also be included in this category.

6. Soap on a Rope

Unless you’re buying for an incarcerated cousin, steer clear of this sorry excuse for a Christmas gift.

5. Any sort of Indian Gifts

Asking to borrow a gift you’ve just given to someone within 48 hours of giving it, is totally unacceptable. Don’t ruin the good work you’ve done in choosing a decent gift by making it clear that you only did it so you could use it as well.

4. Inappropriate Lingerie gifts

There are two parts to this section. Firstly if you’re buying for a partner, consider where they are going to be unwrapping the sexy lingerie that you picked out for them. Crotch-less knickers are not the sort of gift that her parent’s need to know about. Secondly, if you’re buying for someone who isn’t your partner, steer clear of anything that may qualify as lingerie. If you’re having trouble determining whether it’s appropriate, follow this golden rule: Would you be happy to collect the newspaper from the front yard if you were wearing it? If not, try something else.

3. Second Hand Lingerie

Op shops are often brimming with great gift ideas around Christmas, but no matter how much of a bargain the lingerie appears to be, don’t do it. No amount of dry-cleaning makes this an acceptable gift.

2. Nose-Hair Trimmer

Are you trying to suggest that they have really long nose hairs? Why not get them a can of deodorant, some chewing gum and cellulite cream while you’re at it!

1. Nothing!

At least that nose-hair trimmer may actually get used one day, or might raise $5 at the local porn shop.

Be careful or you might end up like these guys:

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